Mom had her orientation to the wonderful world of radiation yesterday.  She watched a video about what to expect from the experience, had another CT scan, and met with the doctor to get the target area identified.  I guess she even got her first tattoo that will permanently mark the spot.  I think she requested a Betty Boop doing a hula dance but I think it turned out more like little dots to define the area to be irradiated.  Those scientific-types are so not creative.

The treatment plan is getting compiled and Mom thinks it will probably start next week.  She’s nervous about the side-effects like nausea and vomiting and having the TV flicker when she walks by.  Tiredness tends to build over the course of treatment but that’s less of a concern to her now.   She has a positive outlook for the treatment, and continues to be confident in her doctors. 

Quite honestly, I think we are both in a suspended state of denial.  It’s easy to deal with finding the facts, identifying a course of action and getting treatments.  It’s actually much easier to focus on the action than the emotions surrounding it all.  It keeps us engaged in the present and short term future.   Mom and I have talked about the fact that it hasn’t really seemed to hit us yet. 

It surprises me that I find myself able to talk about this situation so matter-of-factly – like it is somebody else’s mom,  like it is another event in the course of my week.   In reality, this is the scariest thing I’ve encountered in my entire life. 

Denial – It ain’t just a river in Africa.

-Karmen