Mom went off the Nexevar earlier this week, mainly because it was making her so sick.  The doctor put her on a steroid and some pain medication, which she’s been able to keep down most of the time.   Though still tired, Mom manages to get out from time to time with Michael to grab something to eat, or just go for their usual drives. 

I leave for Fargo on Saturday and will meet Karmen there so we can all spend Mother’s Day together.  I’m anxious and excited to be going home, and come Monday we’re all going to meet with a clinical psychologist to discuss Mom’s situation and hopefully gleam some insight in how to deal with what is to come. 

It’s easy to say baldly that Mom is dying, but it’s quite another to express how that makes you feel.  I know I feel terrible and sad and scared and angry and hurt and upset…but other than crying I don’t quite know how to put into words how losing Mom will impact my life.  Without Mom I lose a confidant and life-source…someone who listens to my issues and gives support and advice.  It’s a start, but I feel there’s more to say and I don’t feel equipped to express it all.  I guess that goes with being a stoic Norwegian. 

     ~  BethAnn