This whole ordeal is getting crazier by the day. I think having the opportunity to really discuss everything and get the cards on the table has removed a lot of my inhibitions about what I say and do around my mom. My sense of humor often teeters on the insensitive side – in a very sensitive way, of course.
Yesterday Mom and Mike went to the funeral home to pay for the cremation and get all the service stuff taken care of so that Beth and I won’t have to. Part of me is convinced that she doesn’t dare leave anything open to chance for fear Beth and I might do something radical. My sincere apology for the years of calling her Idi Amin and Muomar Qadaffi has never seemed to be fully embraced. I think she got over the fact that Beth and I used to tell people that our favorite movie was “Throw Momma from the Train”, but the years of referring to her in the likes of evil dictators has been a bit harder to jettison from her ever-gripping mind.
The little outing to the funeral home brought about the revelation that even simple memorial services are expensive! There are all these charges for everything: The cremation, the obituary (over $200), flowers, the program, the room rental, the minister, etc. She was a little shell shocked – especially the obituary cost. I know in her head she’s thinking about all the fun stuff she could get with $200, instead of a couple inches of Times New Roman plunked down on a strip of newsprint. “Geez Mom, the cancer isn’t going to be what kills you, it’s being nickel and dimed to death that’ll do you in.” I was totally amused, she was less so.
I threatened to replace one of her funeral songs with Meat Loaf’s Paradise by the Dashboard Light. She thought that would be kind of cool. Honestly, I think she would find it hysterical if I really did that. I never would. Too chicken. Afraid of lightening coming out of nowhere to strike me down.
Hospice came out for their initial visit with Mom today. The nurse was nice enough but Mom was a bit unnerved when she first went to the wrong house. Apparently the nurse wrote the address down wrong. We laughed at the idea that this woman may someday be administering meds.
Mom could be in for a real psychadelic experience.
You have such a keen funny mind (the dark side). I am sure you are making this entire experience much easier to handle for your mom…Because – you are being real. I thank god everyday for people like you. Your mom must be one fantastic lady to have produced such wonderful daughters. Keep up the good work. My prayers are with you and your family.
Ginny
By: Ginny W on May 21, 2008
at 6:00 am
Hi Karmen, I have been reading your blog and really enjoy your way with words, you should be a journalist. Not only do I feel I know you better by reading,but it gives me great insight into a path I may be taking with my parents in the future, being the only daughter and a health care professional I know who it will fall on. I love your sense of humor and reflection on the process, I know this must be so difficult for your but this blog must also be a great outlet and many others are learning from it, you are in my prayers, thank you so much, your an incredible person. Karin
By: Karin on May 21, 2008
at 6:07 am
Instead of sad, dreary black dresses and suits, we should ask everyone to wear Hawiian shirts, shorts, and sandals. Mom is colorful and funny and she might appreciate the celebration of her life. It’d be better than a Meat Loaf montage. Thoughts?
~ BethAnn
By: mudskippers on May 21, 2008
at 11:50 am
I’VE GOT IT!!!!
How about we get Mom started smoking pot (for medicinal purposes only, of course) and then we can have the Hawaiian shirts & flip flops, and replace the Meat Loaf montage with JIMMY freakin’ BUFFETT! Her live as a Parrot Head begins NOW.
By: karmental on May 21, 2008
at 1:34 pm
I like my idea better. She’s been in to goofy, fun hats and pins…anything to blow someone’s mind. Mom likes the idea her service being a celebration of life. Wear whatever you want (except maybe the shorts).
By: mudskippers on May 21, 2008
at 4:30 pm
I think the Meat Loaf reference needs to be explained and expanded upon so that all readers understand it fully.
I’m sure your approach to this voyage with your Mom and Mike is uplifting to them. We continue to pray that she will not be in pain.
Lisa & Kerry Hodne
By: Lisa Lew on May 23, 2008
at 4:14 pm
Ginny – Thank you. My mom is an amazing person. She was a single mom and really struggled at times but her priorities were her kids and I guess it probably paid off. She has a sense of humor as sick as mine so I obviously came by it honestly.
Karin – Thank you. I’m glad someone is actually reading this blog and even happier if people may be learning from this. BTW, my mom LOVES the Arbonne body serum and lotion I got from you. She’s been using it daily and finds it really works well.
Beth – I agree, we don’t need to have the service be a solemn one. We do need to make sure we keep it reverent though. I guess that means no flip flops or shorts.
Lisa Lew – OK – the Meat Loaf thing… My mom loves the Meat Loaf Bat out of Hell CD and thought Paradise by the Dashboard Light was a pretty radical song in its day. It’s about a couple of teenagers making out in a car with the boy pleading for sex. She relents and then he has to commit to her. It’s a 9 minute song with a lot of sexual overtones. Totally NOT an appropriate funeral song.
By: karmental on May 27, 2008
at 6:57 am